Outrage as Freshman Yawns

THE COMMONS — In a truly disturbing account, Trinity upperclassmen reportedly witnessed a freshman yawning in the student lounge last Monday morning. “You don’t know the meaning of tired!” seethed a high-strung junior, whose homework load has forced her to get a grand total of five minutes of sleep this week. “You underclassmen have it so easy, stop pretending that you actually have work!” criticized an overwhelmed senior, whose parents have given up hope on him going to bed before 4:00ᴀ.ᴍ. When asked to comment, principal Stephen Kolman lamented, “It’s exactly like what I said with the swinging cats around your head thing. You know that you’re doing it, but as soon as you are called out for such a disrespectful act, the immediate response is one of denial. I hope our community can work to achieve more respect than that.” In a related story, a freshman was formally banned from the library recently for taking a nap during a free period.

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