Students Shocked to Discover Administrators Are Secretly Tiny Horses

The Trinity community was thrown for a loop on an otherwise ordinary Friday when, at the stroke of 10:00, Dr. Kolman let out a sharp whinny and promptly galloped off stage. This sparked a full fledged investigation, which revealed that he, and the entirety of the upper school administration, are actually tiny horses masquerading as humans. The school should have known, though we excused the reveal of Mr. Bolster ten years ago during a community time show because it was “just improv and those hooves were clearly a prop.” The investigation has revealed several disturbing details to the public such as the fact that Mr. Bolster’s chocolate milks are filled with ancient grains (specifically, spelt), and Mr. Isaacson’s favorite Shakespeare play is Richard III because of “A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse.” As the case continues to unravel we have to ask: how far does this go? How many administrators are actually tiny, tiny animals pretending to be people? Will there be any charges for impersonating a human, and, if so, will they go to human jail or like, a farm in Saratoga? And, the greatest question of all: how on Earth do they know how to talk?

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