Trinity Regrets Hiring Real Tiger as Student Stress Skyrockets

Trying to build on the success of last year’s puppy day, the administration made its greatest mistake to date.  Tony the tiger was brought in both to build school spirit and help students relax in the tough first weeks of the school year.  Boy, it could not have gone any worse.  First, he went down to the basement for a quick swim, but there were no towels big enough to dry off his voluptuous curves so he ate Bennett Varrichione.  He then went on to viciously maul several students who tried to calm him down.  Tony was finally brought under control by Sharlene and the security staff, but not before leaving a permanent scar on the school.  

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