Trinity descended into pure chaos this week as the community building activity gone wrong, sticker tag, destroyed friendships, incited brawls, and trapped students in the math lab. Every year, this tradition turns our honorable academic institution into a battle-royal where no one can be trusted. For the confused freshmen who still don’t completely understand how it works: each of you is assigned a target. For the next few months, if you make it through the bloodbath of week one, your sole focus will be tracking this target down by whatever means necessary. This includes memorizing their schedule, befriending their parents and siblings in an effort to become close with them, pitching a tent on the street outside of their house, and even hiding under their bed to catch them by surprise. But remember you are also a target. Now is the time to cut ties with everyone. Rent your own apartment alone so you can stay up late plotting your enemy’s demise. Purposely catch mono so you can miss school. Maybe even get facial reconstruction surgery or create clones of yourself to throw your hunter off your trail. Victory can only be achieved with sacrifice. Good luck, players, but remember there can only be one champion.
This year’s game has been especially hard on the contestants. Here are some of their stories:
“I was trampled by a pack of freshmen running between sticker free zones.” -Phoebe G.
“I now lie backward on a skateboard and scoot around to my classes to avoid leaving my back exposed.” -Koray W.
“I have stopped going to class. I have stopped going to practice. I haven’t seen my friends or family in over a week. I live in a supply closet on the first floor. I postmate Korean barbeque to survive.” -Miko N.
“This game meant everything to me. Then one day, my friend tagged me. Right on the back in the swamp in front of everyone. All the seniors laughed at me. I felt like a fool. I would rather she had just taken a dagger and buried it straight into my back. I would have felt less pain.” -Gideon P.