Saturday— Hey you… yeah, you. We know you’re out there, spending your Saturday night reading The Garlic. We love the support, but you’re in high school; it’s time to branch out, meet new people, and explore new things. Ask your scheme who they like, and when they hit you with the same question, coyly say “nobody.”
And remember, if you ever need a friend, hit me up at 988-GOOD-TIME.
And don’t try and be clever by pointing out I’m spending my night writing an article. I’m special.