Here’s an Article About the Vending Machine That Totally Ignores The Extremely Political Issue on All Our Minds

Tuesday– What’s up with the vending machine these days? I mean, who designs a machine that doesn’t take coins, but then sometimes (and only sometimes) requires exact change to purchase items, many of which are priced with fifty or twenty-five cents? Why would anyone ever make a machine that only gives change in coins that can’t then be used in the actual machine? Ridiculous! Oftentimes, it’ll give you a dollar of change with twenty nickels. C’mon, what’s up with that?!? And the credit card scanner… don’t even get me started on the credit card scanner. Why does it automatically take $4.00 from your card, and oftentimes immediately refund that without allowing you to purchase anything? Who designed that? A company privately owns and operates the vending machine in school, which leads us to question if they couldn’t do better. This is after all their entire job.

You know the only thing crazier than those vending machine woes? … The fact that we’re blatantly avoiding the highly controversial discussion throughout the school about tomorrow’s walkout. You’d expect us to publish an article like “So Brave! Students Coordinate Supposedly Autonomous Walkout With the Administration to Avoid Any Mild Inconvenience” or “Complaining About the Walkout the Night Before Even Though This Has Been Planned For Weeks Is Extremely Effective!” or some really bold writing that embodies the opinion of the staff of The Garlic. But this is a hot-button topic that even we, under the guise of (supposed) anonymity, are steering as far away from as possible. Now, you may ask, did we just show our hand a little with those mock titles? Yes, we did.

Mark Kelly spoke to the school today! That was pretty cool! I mean, the man’s one of our most accomplished astronauts! And don’t even get me started again on that vending machine…

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