Student Who Lasted Three Days Before Cracking Under Stress After Winter Break Tells Herself “Eleven Weeks Is Nothing”

Monday– Weary Trinitarians mourned the end of Spring Break and entered the 101 entrance for the first time in two weeks this morning. An area student who barely made it through three days of school after Winter Break before breaking down in the bathroom, shrieking “I should have gone to Fieldston!” told themselves that the next eleven weeks wouldn’t be a problem. We place the over/under until they crack at 3.5 days. Place your bets by tweeting us at none other than #JustFlikThings.

As Juniors breathed fresh air for the first time since they entered the New York Public Library six days ago, naive Freshmen looked forward to seeing their friends again. Little did they know, it wasn’t worth it. It’s never worth it… Fake news spread like fire as students told teachers “it’s good to be back.” (We know you don’t mean it, Marcus. Stop making us look bad.)

Students checking Tigerweb for the first time since March 16th remembered they had tests later this week and promptly ran for the exits before being restrained by security. Dr. Kolman’s jokes at the start of Community Time edged on being classified as cringe-worthy, so it’s good to know at least one person has remained true-to-form after break.


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