Panicked Freshman Barely Escapes Quiet Section Alive After Daring to Open His Binder Rings

According to witnesses, the fiasco started when a freshman went to the quiet section to complete his math homework. “I don’t know, I was just feeling good about it,” he said later in an exclusive interview. “I had last period free and my parents haven’t given me permission to leave the building, so I thought, why not get some work done?”

It all went well at first: he crept inside, secured a seat in the farthest corner of the room, and took out his math binder and borrowed pencil without making any noise. What happened next is disputed, but most sources agree that the freshman needed graph paper for his latest assignment. Cautiously, his fingers hovered over the binder rings before he took the plunge and tore the rings apart, resulting in a piercing clicking noise. “I mean, yeah, I was nervous about opening my binder rings since they can be so loud, but I thought, what’s the harm?”

A junior there at the time gave an eyewitness account: “I was just sitting there doing my homework and suddenly I heard this deafening boom.”

The freshman added, “And I was like, Woah, the whole room is staring at me now.” At this point in the interview, the freshman nervously glanced behind him, where a large mob of upperclassmen could be seen exiting the library and appearing to chant, “Kill, kill, kill, kill.”

The freshman was last seen running for his life in the third-floor of the new building.

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