Freshmen Make Mental Note to Remember How They Met Their Friends For Potential Senior Speech Introductions

Thursday— Frantic Freshmen frolicked freely about the swamp following this morning’s senior speech. Realizing a pattern in how speakers have been introduced, the frosh searched for notebooks to write down memories of how they first met their new peers, just in case they ever had to introduce them in chapel. Amazed by the funny tales of painfully odd interactions that led to powerful friendships, many ninth-graders were disappointed to realize that they couldn’t point to any remarkable experiences. Little did they realize that in three years, their freshman year interactions will all be hilariously cringeworthy.

The always outspoken Brenton Jaffe ’21, seen feverishly jotting down notes in his Physics notebook told The Garlic, “I imagine a lot of people will ask me to introduce them, so I’m ensuring that I have something prepared for anyone.” When asked to elaborate on what he planned to say, Mr. Jaffe would only reveal he’d share some light-hearted anecdotes, occasionally chuckling at his own jokes, and that he’d cap off with a heartwarming conclusion in which he’d ask the crowd to welcome “the best person I know, my best friend…”

Personally, I have some great stories about meeting my best friends. It’s odd that Arnold Nam ’18, next week’s speaker, hasn’t asked me to introduce him yet, but I’ve prepared remarks assuming he forgot and will ask soon. I mean, not even a reading, Arnold? After all we’ve been through? Look, I’m not using my public platform to pressure you, but I just want you to know that if you decided to reconsider, I wouldn’t say no.

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