Monday– Every student knows that one bad test can sink your grade for the entire year in certain classes. But what most students don’t know, is that a friendly email to your teacher the night after you bombed an assessment is all it takes to bring your grade up from a C to an A. That’s right! Sophomore Eben Hess ’20 recently found out that sending a warm, apologetic message to a teacher right after doing poorly on a test was enough to save his grade. In a flash of remorse and naive hope, Mr. Hess sent his frantic email at 10:30 tonight, a mere nine hours after taking a test where, among a diverse array of mistakes, he forgot which kaiser led Germany through The First World War (Wilhelm II, c’mon Eben, that’s easy money!)
Although it’s unlikely that Dr. Halper, Eben’s History teacher has even seen his late-night email yet, the sophomore is confident that his message is more than enough to convince her to show have mercy on his poor, hopefully still ivy-bound soul. “I really covered my bases in my email”, reported a glowing Mr. Hess. “Not only did I explain that my family and I were away over the weekend, making it hard for me to study, but I also made sure to let her know that I was tired and not thinking properly. On a normal day, I would’ve been completely fine. I promise I know the material inside and out. I definitely just spaced… I asked if I could retake the test when I’m fully rested, or if I could somehow get extra credit. If that doesn’t work… I don’t know. I mean, that’s as certain as Mr. Maullon showing up to work tomorrow! Mr. Maullon is gone for the rest of the year on paternity leave? Oh man, I didn’t get to say goodbye. Damn, I’m gonna miss him…”
Not everyone believed Mr. Hess’ appeal for a second chance would be so successful. Fellow Halper History sophomore Maya Lee ’20 exclaimed, “When I did poorly on a test earlier this year, Dr. Halper told me ‘”if you’re not gonna get an A, might as well try to impress your parents with a good participation grade.’ I mean, they do call Eben ‘Mr. Persuasive’ for a reason, but I don’t know if even he can talk his way out of this one.” The always outspoken Brenton Jaffe ’21, having made amends with The Garlic following an emotional break up, kept his comments short. He explained, “That kid’s screwed.”
We’re not sure what to make of this interesting story. Hopefully we can see how everything plays out. We’re rooting for Eben. And perhaps his hope is not as naive as we originally thought. They do call him “Mr. Persuasive” for a reason. What reason? We don’ know. But why would they call him that if there wasn’t a reason? Ha! now who’s asking the questions? We are, that’s who!
But our opinion is simply ours. Tweet what you think will happen to Eben with the hashtag #FlikLifestyles. We wish the best of luck to Mr. Hess, and we’ll make sure to keep you updated.
UPDATE: Dr. Halper has responded. Eben has shared with us her email, which we’ve attached below:
Rip. For the first and last time, we at The Garlic feel the need to quote William Shakespeare as we bid Eben, Goodnight, Sweet Prince.