“Do You Know Who My Father Is?” Asks Senior Class After Administration Threatens to Take Away Prom/Graduation

Friday— Well, the question we’ve all been asking has finally been answered. No, the administration does not know what comprises a real prank. After the Senior class filled the faculty lounge with three hundred cubic feet of packing peanuts, the administration decided they had had enough. After four years of fostering an environment that encouraged mental breakdowns, sleep deprivation, and literal hell, the administration considers packing peanuts to be “crossing the line.” In a strongly worded email, Dr. Anderson informed the Class of 2018 that they had crossed the line, and would face the consequences. Any more pranks would be met with:

a.       Post prom 7:30 detention

b.      No walking at graduation

c.       Mailed diplomas

d.      Prom privilege suspended

e.      Prom itself suspended

f.       Some combination of the above

The seniors weren’t buying the bluff. As the email slowly trickled throughout the Senior swamp, shouts of “Do you know who my father is?” and “We give annually for this?” could be heard all across the school. Cornelius Princeton III ’18 quickly dialed up his father, the esteemed finance whiz, Cornelius Princeton II (who also happened to attend Princeton University, his son’s future alma mater. What a coincidence!) to complain about the unacceptable treatment. “I’ll handle it”, responded the elder Princeton-man before quickly hanging up to tell his pilot that he wasn’t getting any closer to Dubai by sitting on the runway.

The seniors agreed that if the administration had asked them to stop, they would have without a fight. However, now that ridiculous and unrealistic threats have been made, many want to see what happens if they continue to push the line. Standing solemnly in front of the ‘Building Our Community’ wall with the names of recent donors, the students promised not to back down in the face of adversity.

The important thing to remember through all of this drama is that leverage is like common sense— sometimes the administration just doesn’t have it.

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