Area Freshman Stands Naked Outside Upper School Office, Daring Administration to Dress Code Her

Wednesday— Today, in a beautiful display of girl power, one area freshman stood naked outside of the Upper School Office, spread her arms triumphantly, and looked Ginn Norris dead in the eye as she dared the administration to dress code her. After months of pushing the limits of the Dress Code, this freshman decided to test the limits of freedom in our school. Of course, the patriarchy intervened, in the form of Dr. Kolman declaring a Shelter-In Drill and calling the police. Nevertheless, this brave freshman persisted, beginning to chant, “My Body, My Choice!” in what was truly a stunning display of female solidarity.

“I don’t think she understands what that means,” the always outspoken Brenton Jaffe later reported. “That’s a chant in support of a woman’s right to an abortion, not her right to come to school naked.” Stop mansplaining, Brenton! To that brave freshman we say ignore the haters. No woman ever made history by following the rules!

Later, the area freshman was seen running away from the police officers trying to restrain her and calling back, “I run like a girl, try to keep up!”

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