Ladies and Gentlemen,
This is getting ridiculous. Let me start by saying that I am not a part of this group. I never decided to start a satire magazine and never decided to make the name of my satire magazine a satire of a more famous satire magazine. That idea was not mine. I never even decided to hop on the wave and join this magazine as a “staff writer” or a “staff editor” because I’m not that desperate to look good on the common app. No. I am one of the people who read the articles that they got in print, enjoyed the magazine, liked the facebook page, and ended up receiving endless self-promotion from Will Cramer ‘19 about how he desperately needs attention (we know Cramer, we know). I ended up learning lots along my journey as a reader of the Garlic, like the fact that we have an area called the Annex-Link. Or the fact that Brenton Jaffe ‘21 is not only outspoken, but is also an actual person who goes to our school. The Garlic has given me a little bit of joy after getting back a tough grade from Dr. Z, a tough grade from Dr. Twitchell, or a tough grade from Señor Camacho, and I have to applaud the founders of this magazine for having the ingenuity and commitment to making such a wonderful thing for out community.
However, these last couple weeks, with the graduation of the senior leader of the group, Billy Cramer, people have been looking at Andrew Kornfeld ‘19 as the sole Editor-In-Chief of the Garlic remaining in out halls. Now, I don’t want to give Andrew any flack, as he is an important member of the group, and it is easy to see why people would naturally see him as the leader of the Garlic. I went to middle school with Andrew, so I’ve known him long enough to say that his flowing, blonde hair and baby blue eyes have inspired leadership, fear, and an insatiable desire to know what lies under his bangs(as someone who has seen Andrew’s forehead, let me just say that majestic does not begin to describe how purely epic it is) since the 7th grade. Andrew deserves respect for the creation of the Garlic and his continuing devotion to and leadership of the club, and no one should forget this, or his lucious, blonde curls.
Yet one man has gone forgotten. In the celebration of the Garlic, one man has been forced to sit in the shadows and watch while others claim the glory that should be his. I am, of course, speaking of Vice President Deen Amanat, King of the Commons, Lord and Protector of the breakfast cart. You may know him as the kid who was really good on 8th grade ball, or the kid who is way, waaaaay too enthusiastic about Star Wars. But Deen is still hilarious. Not the kind of funny to tell you a joke, but the kind that he listens to something you say, looks you in the eyes, and hits you with a quick, “Boi,” that makes you die. His endless string of “my guys” and his angry freakouts are the best, and his written humor is second to none, save that of J. William Ferrell and Jesus Christ himself. Yet for some reason, when the Garlic is discussed, the golden locks of Andrew and the bowl cut of Will come to mind instead of a scrawny, 5 foot 7 kid with glasses. Is this a product of Trinity’s ruthless systematic racism? Almost certainly (not). But still, Deen was a founding member and a tireless contributor to the Garlic, and we should all respect his ingenious leadership more.
So tomorrow, when you see a a scrawny, 5 foot 7 kid with glasses, turn away from Arjun Subakeesan ‘19, or Kiyan Daniels ‘20, or the endless slew of kids in our school who fir that description. Turn away from the golden mane of Kornfeld, however hard it may be for you, and turn to Deen. Give him a quick thank you, because in many ways, Deen is a representative of the students at Trinity: hard working, smart, not great in social situations, easily angered when things don’t go his way, and way to overzealous about his basketball ability. Deen is not the Garlic Founder we want, but the one that we deserve. Appreciate him, for all his squidiness. Appreciate him!!!
- Mr. Brown took it upon himself to write this fantastic post after Mr. Bolster gave Mr. Kornfeld a shoutout during the grade retreat and not fellow editor-in-chief Mr. Amanat