“This is Just in Response to a Prompt, I Don’t Actually Have Emotions,” Song Writer Clarifies Before Revealing the Inner Workings of Her Soul

Tuesday — During Community Time this morning, members of the Trinity songwriting class delivered heartfelt and gut-wrenching renditions of their own original music. These songs offered deep insights into the minds of their composers, but many students prefaced their performances by clarifying they don’t actually have emotions and that their songs were just written in response to one of Mrs. B’s prompts.

“Yeah, honestly, I just did it for the clout,” Mahtab Shihab ’18 told The Garlic. “You may not have seen me up there, but I actually worked super hard on my original music piece detailing my love for a certain woman as my common application.” When we asked Mahtab if there was any truth to his performance, he simply added, “You may not have known, but I am pleased to announce that I will be attending Harvard University in the Fall of 2018.”

How did the audience feel about the beautiful performances delivered by students whose only motivation for writing an original song was because they were hovering between an A and an A- in songwriting class? “Um, I don’t think that’s why people wrote their songs,” Coco Carragher ’21 told us. “Everyone was really brave this morning and it was super nice hearing all their music. I’m sure they’ll have great futures in the music industry!” Okay, Coco, since when did you become a psychologist?

When asked for comment, Mrs. B told us she wouldn’t bat an eyelash locking the entire student body in the chapel for the rest of their short, miserable lives unless we all started singing along to Dr. Kolman’s announcements.

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