Junior Already Behind on Their Final History Paper!!!

Ah yes, it’s that time of year again. Hell in writing.

“Oh,” you say, “but the essay prompts haven’t been handed out yet.” “Our Dean has been insisting that we not worry about the paper.” Then the school has you in its snares, lulling you into its illusion that the paper is ever farther away than it truly is, until that fateful June 1st morning arrives and you’ve hardly even started your second paragraph!

Trust no one. Ignore the fact that the paper will not affect your inevitably grade-locked average. Ignore the fact that the American History power trio gets together every June for a dinner party where they pick your grades out of a hat. Ignore the fact that Mary Kate got an A on her paper solely for the fact that it was 69 pages long. For the next nine months, this paper is your LIFE. And you better start catching up. “Well, I already have an idea,” you say. Cute. Will Ketterer-Sykes ’20 took two months off last year to write his 1000 page masterpiece. Brooke Shalam ’20 wrote her paper before high school even began. So why don’t you quit drinking the Trinity kool-aid and wake you sheep mind from its slumber!

Look around, and you’ll start to see the signs soon. Amelie Buc ’20 crying in the hallway to her advisor? It’s because the third draft of her paper got rejected! Keon Daniels ’20 saying hello to you in the hallways? He’s like a hunter tempering his prey before he unleashes his award-deserving masterpiece examining the ramifications of William Jennings Bryan Cross of Gold Speech on WWII war strategy.

Get started, or get f*cked.


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